Christian Marriage

To understand Christian marriage, it is important to know the difference between a marriage, a wedding, and the Solemnization of a marriage.  A marriage consists of the mutual consent on the part of a man and a woman to live together as husband and wife.  A wedding is the ceremony by which the consent is certified and made public.  The Solemnization is the blessing by which the Church sanctifies the union.  Failure to keep these distinctions in mind leads to much confusion.

A marriage is contracted by a man and a woman – they marry each other.  The state does not marry them, neither does the Church.  The state regulates the conditions of marriage for the best interests of society.  The Church adds its sacramental blessing through which the man and the woman receive divine grace to help them in keeping their vows.  Marriage is a universal human institution dating as far back as we know anything about human life.  Following the example of our Lord, the Church has ratified and blessed it.

The essence of marriage lies in free consent given before witnesses.  Long before the development of our modern system of public records, this was accomplished by a wedding ceremony which proclaimed to the public that a marriage was being contracted.  About two centuries ago the custom of issuing licenses was established by law as a matter of legal record and for the protecting of property rights.  The public ceremonies illustrated a large variety of customs and traditions, some of which have been preserved down to the present day.  The price that was once paid for a bride is now represented by the gift of a wedding ring.  The reception of the woman into the man’s family is symbolized by the joining of hands.  To carry a bride over the threshold of her new home is a relic of the days when women were captured and carried away for marriage.

In olden days, the “espousals” (that is the “engagement”) and the “nuptials” constituted two distinct ceremonies, often with an interval of several months between them.  But the espousal was just as binding as the final marriage itself.  For example, Joseph was espoused to the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Both the Jews and the Romans considered marriage a permanent union lasting for the duration of life.  Unfortunately, divorce had become so common and easy that no marriage was secure.

Jesus gave approval of marriage as an institution by His attendance and assistance at the wedding in Cana of Galilee.  He stated the Christian standard in His teachings in three of the Gospels.  Marriage of a man and a woman is part of God’s purpose for mankind.  It unites the two into “one Flesh,” and is a dissoluble union.  “Those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder.”  He condemned the divorce practices prevailing in His day, allowing for a possible exception in the case of unfaithfulness.

St. Paul emphasized the life-long character of marriage, and disowns the pagan practices of divorce.  To the Ephesians, he compared marriage to the mystical union between Christ and His Church, which is, of course, the ultimate Christian ideal.  Christianity added a distinctive touch to marriage and wedding customs as the newly married couple made their Communion together and received the Eucharistic blessing.  Their marriage was dedicated to God and became more than a natural institution.  It became a sacramental experience through which God’s blessing descended upon a family and through which two lives offered their united loyalty to Christ.  It is a three-way covenant.

Today the Church must uphold the ideal and at the same time minister the Gospel of Christ to many people who have never known that Christian ideals exist.  The easy way is to adopt a set of rules and demand that everybody should conform.  It is quite difficult to find any set of rules that will fairly meet the variety of circumstances which entangle individuals in a net of domestic problems.  The first business of the Church is to minister to people rather to execute rigid rules. 

For those brought up in the Church certain things may be expected.  But many people who have had no such training will ignorantly violate the laws of the Church and later honestly seek entrance into the Church.  This is aggravated by mixed marriages where divergent convictions make adjustments necessary.  When clergy officiate at marriages as officers of the state as well as priests of the Church, further complications arise.  The secular state sets ups its laws of marriage and divorce primarily on grounds of expediency with little or no consideration for Christian morality.

The Church acknowledges that the Christian standard of the marriage cannot be lowered.  Then it attempts to deal with people as generously as possible without sacrificing the standard.  Marriage is a life-long union.  Priests are not allowed to solemnize the second marriage of a person whose original mate is still living, unless the previous marriage has been declared null by the Bishop.  A communicant who violates this rule is automatically excommunicated.  However, an application may be made to the Bishop and dispensation may be obtained based on the individual merits of the case.

It is important to remember that this does not require a person to remain in a hopeless and degrading union.  Separation does not make a difference in a person’s relationship to the Church.  Excommunication occurs only at the remarriage.  It may be necessary to separate.  It is seldom necessary to remarry.

The Church is very sympathetic with people who become involved in domestic tragedy, but that does not change the Christian standard.  Once marriage becomes a temporary contract, it becomes an experience to be repeated as many times as desired.  A temporary contract allows small differences to grow into disruptive issues and the family stands on quicksand.  Divorce after divorce leaves a succession of husbands and wives whose children are bandied about and deprived of the parental affection which is their natural right.  Love degenerates into emotional impulse and the character which should be strong enough to stand a strain becomes soft, wayward and ineffective.  This is the “evil” the Church opposes.  The Church recognizes there are occasional cases where honest effort has broken down.

There are, of course, marriages which are not true marriages at all, and should never have been contracted.  The Church recognizes that these may properly be declared null and void, relieving the parties concerned of any responsibility.  A marriage which has never been consummated is a fiction.  Certain conditions existing before marriage constitute “impediments” which invalidate the whole intention of the free consent required.  Mistaken identity, insanity, impotence and bigamy are examples.  In these cases the Church provides means whereby an annulment may be procured and the marriage itself cancelled.  In every instance the judgment must be rendered by the Bishop with competent legal advice.

The “ministers” of marriage are the man and the woman who are being united.  The matter and form consist of the mutual consent and the declaration which proclaims it.  The officiating priest adds the Church’s blessing by which the benefit of God’s help is introduced to make the marriage true and permanent.  Strictly speaking, the persons who receive the blessing should be baptized Christians, since Baptism is the basic Sacrament which qualifies the recipients for other sacramental grace.  By ancient tradition marriages are discouraged during the periods of Advent and Lent because of the penitential character of that season in the Church Year.  The old custom of joining the Solemnization with a nuptial Eucharist is fortunately increasing in frequency.

Obviously these provisions are intended for professing Christians.  Actually many persons who have little or no concern with the Christian religion come to the clergy to be married because the clergy are commissioned by the state to officiate on such occasions.  The situation is anomalous and sometimes embarrassing.  We will probably see the day when the Church will decline the secular commissioning of its clergy and leave the marriages to be contracted before civil magistrates.  The priests could then provide for Christina Solemnization (preferably with the nuptial Eucharist) after the civil ceremony for those who propose to establish really Christian homes.